Sales and Wants

By on July 6th, 2008
Posted in | No Comments »

Eggs Boiled to your individual requirements. 10 pence each or £50 per thousand. Tel Firedog 2525252 and ask for Egbert (No it’s not a joke, it really is my name).

For Sale. 300-1 scale models of Airfix 1-300 scale model soldiers. Also model WW1 Battleships 1:1 scale. The Large Model Shop, Uncanny Avenue, Cheb.

For Sale: Squirrel. Only used once and only to plug hole in Dutch dyke. Answers to name of Pillar Box, sometimes. Tel Sock 525 and ask for Tony Dirigible.

For Sale. One piece of Lego. Suitable for a collector either just starting out or one who needs just one piece to complete collection. Apply Mr Chrysler Madox Chrysler, 4 Volvo Mews, Upper Firedog

Found. On Framley Common last Wednesday, a lost city of the Incas. Contact Mr Heligoland Bight, No. 5,854 Little Lane, Dufflecoat Bridge

For Sale. 10 cwt of grapes. All opened, hence £0.05p each. The Used Fruitshop, 56 Pol Pot Street, Clomp.

Wanted. Newspapers. Must be tomorrow’s editions. Mr Toecap, Whoft Newsagents, Hamper Boulevard, Upper Upper Firedog.

For Sale. Surplus military supplies inc. Army issue roundabouts (pre war), Royal Naval hamster wheels, (Dreadnought class only) and a limited stock of RAF egg yokes. Send for full catalogue. Captain Hermes Dungaree (retd), c/o The Used Envelope Shelter, Stegosaurus Avenue, Lower Firedog.

Lost. Me. Tel. Finnacle Luitpold 0121 5854 with details of whereabouts/grid references/GPS etc.

For Sale. Concrete overcoat, plasticene wranglers and two pairs of roast potato socks Unwanted gifts. £15. tel. Arbuthnot Le-Gover, Quince 1232132123212321 (approximately)

Accomodation. Special Three Night breaks from £40 DBB. Days £20 extra. The Bell End Inn, Dufflecoat Bridge 252

Kings Shed Hotel. Unique 17^th century coaching inn situated in King George III’s garden shed. Tel Marigold Von Dungeon, Lower Firedog 252

Found: Old washing machine and 2 car tyres at summit of Great Gable along with a selection of old household bills addressed to Mr A Fleet, Oldham

For Sale: Matching set of 10 various shaped footballs. Need inflating, no valves hence £10. Mr Bun, Lower Firedog Bakery, Upper Firedog. Tel Middle Firedog 252

Want a fight? My ex boss at: Hernando’s Hideaway, 14 Reciprocating Engine Villas, Cheb, will be happy to oblige you.

For Sale Set of 3¹/2 Crown Green bowls. Tweed effect, two interior pockets and small utility room. £12 the pair. Mr Peter Lee Stencil, Dufflecote Bridge 252

Wanted: Anti-social behaviour. Please apply C.O Mr P. Smithson, Howarth Estate, Cowdenbeath.

For Sale: Auntie Social B. Hayvea. and many others. Relatives R Us Allegro Estate, Toynbee.

Lost!: Mr G Bate, last seen following a bearded man in the foothills around Coniston.

For Sale hundreds of cricket bats, also large stock of grasshopper racquets. Contact Bats R Us. 19a Squash Court, Dufflecote Bridge or We R Bats 19b Squash Court, Dufflecoat Bridge

For Sale. 300-1 scale models of Airfix 1-300 scale model soldiers. Also model WW1 Battleships 1:1 scale. The Large Model Shop, Uncanny Avenue, Cheb.

For Sale: The moon and assorted small planetoids, £3000 ono. Buyer must collect.

For Sale: Compass. Seldom used as bearded men were usually conveniently available to follow. Contact THE MASTER for more information.

For Sale: Tins of Wax. Large £100, small (very) 0.1p. Contact Dr Wilfred Portent-Augury, The Ear, Nose and DIY Dept, King Imhotep III Memorial Hospital, Cube End. Also bottles of bogeys.

Wanted: Large hole. Will collect if necessary, Decomposing organism in urgent need of disposal. Apply Mr Fermat Pythagoras, 5 Heinkel Avenue, Middle Firedog

Wanted: bric-a-brac, old motorcycle parts and mouldy carpets for compost heap…please contact Mr A Fleet, Great Gable, Lake District

For Sale. I half of 3 bedroom semi centrally located on the outskirts of Queff Bridge. Features include Olympic standard bidet and electrically powered ammunition hoist feeding garage mounted twin 15” gun turret. Offers to Mrs Savoury Dragoon, 99 Ovaries Close, Cheb

For Sale. Revolving door. In only hence £50. Apply to Mr N Veloper,, 43 Asparagus Terrace, Dufflecote Bridge.

Wanted. Large Knob. To fit 1930 style bakelite radiogram. Mr Norman D Beechaird, 15 Polyester Shirt Street, Cheb

For Sale: Half a Mars Bar. Wasn’t in the mood to eat the whole thing. 20p o.n.o Mr B Bag, C.O The FellPonies